Gather - Coming Out Pix

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Next Gather: Coming Out

Yay! The next Gather will take place on Sunday, December 6th at 5:15pm. Where? you may ask...the LGBT Community Center in Room 312.

Stairway access to this room only...sorry, but will have wine and treats there to reward your effort. Let's share our stories, reminisce about stories past, and talk about if the process of coming out is ever complete.

Find this Gather on Meetup >

Lesbianism, as found on the subway...

Pix from Gather: The Femme Mystique

October 4th's Gather

Next Gather: The Femme Mystique

On Sunday, October 4th from 5:15pm to 7pm at the LGBT Community Center (Rm 410), Gather will be delving into the second group within our lesbian identity series: FEMMES. We discussed butch women, now it is time to address the Femme Mystique. Again, be sure to come for the wine, good company, good conversation, and most importantly, to Gather.

This is What I'm Talkin' About

I just went to Fire Island, Cherry Grove, with some friends this past weekend. It was for the Fire Island Black Out. Now, I have NEVER seen so many gays beachfront. It was great, and the best part was the lesbian touch football game. I think there were more than a few tackles, but hey...

More Gather Pictures...Awe Yeah

Gather's Lesbian Identities Panel, Part Uno

Gather this weekend was absolutely fantastic, I've been pretty much speechless since then. We had over 60 people in attendance, and each of our panelists had something unique and thought-provoking to say about butch identities. Kate Roberts, Diana Cage, Emma Crandall, and A.J. Stachelek shared their thoughts on what it means to be butch, who they thought were butch "celebrities", why butch women are sexy, and discussed what they think is next up for the butch community. I learned something new from each panelists perspective, and I can only hope the folks listening did too. Here's some pix (much more to come) ....

Gather this Sunday

What Makes a Butch Woman, well, Butch?

The next Gather is approaching, and I've had a few impromptu discussions already about butch lesbians. With the news that Chastity Bono will soon be transitioning to become Chaz, it seems like it may be difficult to NOT talk about transgender men on this butch panel. It is interesting as the butch identity may arguably be the most common identity conjured when one thinks of a "lesbian," but the emergence and visibility of the transgender community may transform this thinking.

This all leads me to ask, are lesbians defined as butch based on the way they dress? How they carry themselves? Is it a state of mind? Is it a role they play with their partners? Are certain behaviors more butch than others?? OR, is a lesbian woman butch simply because she identifies herself that way??

Where to begin? How about July 12th at the LGBT Center?

BUTCH up on July 12th

Howdy. I'm pleased to announce that the next Gather is set for Sunday, July 12th from 6pm - 8pm at the LGBT Community Center (Room 410, 208 West 13th Street, New York, NY).

Gather will begin exploring lesbian identities, and first up is butch women: the soft, the stone, the tomboys, the dykes, the bois…you get the idea. This panel will address what makes a lesbian butch, myths and truths about the butch community, and will attempt to answer where all the butch women have gone. Come for the wine, good company, good conversation, and most importantly, to Gather.

Sign up for this event on our Meetup page, or simply just show up on the 12th. See you there!

My Favorite Lesbians this Week are... Cindi and Rainie

Two of the finest NYC lesbians were featured in the Weddings section of the Daily News. Cindi Creager and Rainie Cole were married on December 5th in Litchfield, Connecticut. I have had the pleasure of working with Cindi at the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), where she is the Director of National News.

"Cindi and I have a tremendous bond and great love between us," said Rainie. "It was wonderful to have it publicly and legally recognized in a ceremony before friends and to realize that we finally have some legal protections."

I love both of them because, well, it's so damn hard not to! Congratulations!

Take My Breath Away

So Kelly McGillis came out of the closet a few weeks ago. Once it was official, I sent the news via email to my dad, a big Republican and long-time fan of Top Gun (and yes, I realize that God must have a reason for delivering lesbian daughters to Republican fathers).

McGillis said she was aware of her sexuality since age 12, and that identifying her sexual orientation had been a hard process.

Furthermore, she thought God was punishing her for being gay (Kelly, is your dad part of the GOP too?). Two marriages and two teenage daughters later, Kelly felt that it was safe to come out, saying: "Life is a freakin' journey, and it’s about growing and changing and coming to terms with you and what you are.” Well said...

Sappho, Revisited

At the last Gather, I read one of Sappho's poems. Why Sappho? During the first season of the L Word, Jenny said how she was inspired by writer extraordinaire Anne Carson. Carson took a stab at translating the fragments of Sappho's texts in If Not: Winter.

Sappho has come to symbolize the lesbian community both literally and figuratively. However, I feel like we don't know much about her. As Carson writes, Sappho lived on the island of Lesbos around 630 b.c. She was a musical genius, composed 9 books of lyrics, and only one of her poems has survived; all the rest are fragments. Here is one of my favorites...enjoy!

stars around the beautiful moon
hide back their luminous form
whenever all full she shines
on the earth

My Favorite Bisexual This Week is...Rebecca Hart

Name: Rebecca Hart
Why the fav: Rebecca likes Neko Case, and thus I like Rebecca (plus she has 1 Gather under her belt)
Lives in: Brooklyn
Hometown: A little town in Connecticut
Rel status: In a relationship with a pretty amazing woman
Occupation: Women's Rights Lawyer
Which state do you think is up next for legalizing same-sex marriage? Maine or New Hampshire
This week, I've been learing about the Bear community...what kind of communities do you think exist for queer women? Hmm, I can really only speak to my own community. It's filled with a lot of incredibly supportive, open friends who love me regardless of who I love. To me, that is as good as it gets.

Da Bears

I’ve always found Andrew Sullivan interesting. I used to read his blog on a daily basis, largely because he devoted time to talking about gay politics. Although, he did introduce me to The Christmas Tree, and for that I am forever grateful.

I recently read his article, I am bear, hear me roar! in Salon about one of the fastest growing subcultures in the gay community, Bears. Sullivan, a snuggly one himself, describes bears as men who do not stereotypically come off as gay: they are hairy with big round pot bellies, wear flannel, have facial hair (sometimes lots of it), and are friendly and warm in demeanor. Sullivan says "Bears at their most typical look like regular, beer-drinking, unkempt men in their 30s, 40s and 50s. They have guts. They have furry backs. They don't know what cologne is and they tend not to wear deodorant." Strangely, this sounds like all my friend's dads. And it’s not just how the look, bears are bears because of the way they carry themselves.

So this article got me thinking, what are the subcultures within the lesbian community? Beyond the butch and femme dichotomy, are we carving out new ways of being? Maybe the L Word proposed an East v. West coast lesbian…but I’m not sure what that looks like exactly. Will we create subcultures based on class? Education level? In any case, I'll keep my eyes open to the possibilities. Although, I do have a hunch that we are going to be seeing some lesbian mommy groups pop up REAL soon...betcha.

The Farm.

Apparently Showtime is not interested in Ilene Chaiken's L Word spinoff, The Farm. While the verdict is still out on who killed Kenny, I mean Jenny, Ilene Chaiken doesn't feel compelled to supply an answer, even by way of her new series. The Farm, starring Leisha Hailey, promises gritty lesbian drama within the confines of a prison...quite a familiar (and uncreative) backdrop for lesbian-themed television.

Not sure what lies ahead now for L Word fans. I guess we'll just have to settle for the crumbs Grey's Anatomy throws our way.

In other news, yay IOWA!

Gather takes on the L Word

We gathered on March 22nd, and I really wanted to give a hat tip to a great set of panelists and a fantastic crowd. While there was so much to cover as everyone has something to say about the L Word, I felt like I learned something new about the show and it's audience.

First up, I wanted to name the folks who comprised this panel: Rebecca Kern, Communications Instructor at Manhattan College who recently received her Ph.d. (writing on the L Word!); Mik Kinkead, who runs a fantastic blog called Coffee and Gender, Kath Fidler, my new favorite NYU grad student; and Glennda Testone, my personal mentor and Vice President of the Women's Media Center.

I'm going to save my thoughts on this Gather for a separate post, but I wanted to say how truly inspiring it was to see my community come together to share their ideas.

My Favorite Lesbian This Week is... Lauren Price

Name: Lauren Price
Why the Fav: Because Lauren is a sage in street clothes
Lives in: Brooklyn
Hometown: New Rochelle, NY
Rel Status: Single
What did you think of the last L Word episode: I didn't like it at all. I felt it was very unsatisfying as the last episode of the entire series
Who do you think killed Jenny: I think Jenny threw herself off the stairs
Which L Word character do you identify with the MOST: Alice, because she is the most real

Meet Lauren and dish out your thoughts on the L Word on March 22nd!

Next Up.

If You Can't Beat 'em, Leave 'em

The March 2nd issue of the New Yorker will feature an article by Ariel Levy called Lesbian Nation, detailing a lesbian separatist movement of the 70's called the Van Dykes. These women were no joke- they rejected their birth names (changed them all to Van Dyke), stopped talking to men, shaved their heads, drove across the country in vans and lived on America's highways (and YOU think you're extreme cuz you don't shave...tsk tsk).

To the Van Dykes, lesbianism wasn't just about sexual orientation, it was about political ideology. They were the antithesis of women who kept their sexual proclivities under wraps-- they were in your face, man-hating, bald, bar-brawling, sexual taboo lovin' women... basically embodying EVERY lesbian stereotype. I mean, if Melissa Etheridge was popular in the 70's, I'm sure Lamar Van Dyke would have her belting out of her car stereo, windows down.

While lesbian separatism seems like an extreme (who would write the articles I read in Details magazine then?), I do think some of that sense of adventure and creativity is missing from the lesbian community today. We need not be extreme to get noticed, maybe living our lives without reservation is statement enough...

L Word: LOVE it or LOATHE it

After 5 seasons, the first-ever lesbian drama is coming to a close. The L Word quickly became fabric of the lesbian community, with women gathering together in bars and living room floors on cold winter nights to watch their favorite storyline unfold. Whether you Loved it or Loathed it, the L Word gave lesbians something to talk about. That said, we will be Gather(ing) again late March in Park Slope to talk about what the L Word did for the community, and what is left to be desired.

We will be Gather(ing) on Sunday, March 22nd at
247 Prospect Ave (Priority Fitness) - Brooklyn at 6:30pm

Be there!

Read my interview with L Word cast member Daniela Sea >

If the "L Word" were on Facebook - from AfterEllen.com >

Same Sex. New York City.

We gathered again in November at Mixx Lounge in Manhattan to discuss what life is like for the single lesbian in New York City. Our panelists Sherry and Elisabeth talked about who they were looking for, where they were trying to her, and told some cautionary tales of experiences gone wrong.

Since NYC is one of the most queer friendly cities in the country, people may think that we have the lion's share of dating possibilities. Not necessarily so after talking to this panel.

It appears that regardless of sexual orientation, the challenge of finding someone to date and/or have a relationship with is just a feature of being human. Some women choose online dating sites like Match or CurveMag, and others do the legwork by showing up weekends at the few lesbian bars NYC has to offer (other smart ones come to Gather - awe yeah!).

I shared a website with the group of a woman who was raising money to buy ad space at the Superbowl to make an appeal for her man. "What do you do when you’re over the bar scene, when singles events are reunions of guys you’ve already dated, and online matchmaking turns up only a parade of losers and liars?" Apparently, the SuperBowl Single Girl thinks that you turn to one of the highest forms of self-promotion by taking out a very expensive ad. ((I don't think she did succeeded, but I hope she did find her football lovin' wing-eating face paintin' man))

Why Gather?

The lesbian community has always been a sort of an enigma to me. I've spent much of my life in two major cities, Chicago and New York City, and I assumed that if my community was anywhere, it certainly would have been thriving in either of those places. I'm not saying this wasn't the case, but I always left clubs or lesbian-themed events with, well, much to be desired.

I was astounded by how many women would show up at drag king events in Chicago…so much so that my friends and I would get turned away at the door due to impending fire hazards. Same case in New York. There was always that one event that women would flock to, again, and the success of the event measured by how much time we would have to spend waiting outside…watching friends meet up in line or lovers decide that they should have stayed home to cuddle.

Where did these women come from? How come I haven't seen them all under one roof? Furthermore, how could I assimilate myself into my own community without having to wait at the door?

I wanted to create a space that didn't have a night-club vibe, rather a vibe of informal inclusivity…where we all could participate and share. I wanted a space where we could discuss our lives, throw our cultural scripts on the table, tear them apart, piece them back together, and create something new. I wanted women my age to hang out, laugh, have a good time and essentially....gather.

Mary Oliver and Molly Malone Cook

I read one of Mary Oliver's poems at the first Gather out of her book Our World, which is just one of her many achievements. Molly Malone Cook, her partner who died in 2005, supplied the photography for this book. You really just have to read it.

Back in Chicago, I attended one of her readings at Northwestern University. Not being an overtly emotional person, I found myself crying at the end of her reading of Wild Geese. When it was my turn for a book signing, I approached the table and found myself speechless in front her. Oddly, my knees were shaking. She smiled warmly, signed my book, and simply thanked me for coming.

I always noticed that Mary Oliver dedicated so many of her poetry books to Molly, but I never knew she was her partner. Though they were never married (it wasn't legal and thus an option), Mary and Molly formed this beautiful partnership, as illustrated in text and images in Our World.

"We were talkers -- about our work, our pasts, our friends, our ideas ordinary and far-fetched. We would often wake before there was light in the sky and make coffee and let our minds rattle our tongues. We would end in exhaustion and elation. Not many nights or early mornings later, we would do the same. It was a 40-year conversation."

The first Gather!

The first Gather took place on Sunday, June 15th at Total Wine Bar in Brooklyn, where we addressed "commitment". Our panelists included Amy Todd and Jaime Gher- a lovely couple who were planning on getting hitched in California (and are currenly married thank you very much), Peg Martin- a Justice of the Peace from Vermont, and Ora Wise- who candidly talked about being in an open relationship.

Each woman brought something to the table about what they thought commitment meant, whether sanctioned by the state or the heart (or both!). Statistics and laws aside, we each make a personal choice about the way we form partnerships, and the meaning we attach to those partnerships.

The lesbian community has a unique opportunity here...while the law and social norms twist and turn before our eyes, we get to develop our own set of norms about commitment, marriage, and relationships.